Another week, another baby born, and 2 more on the way. Seriously? Is that even possible? How could one person know so many pregnant people? Arg. I guess I'll just order another baby blanket. I'm starting to feel like there should be some kind of special on them...like, buy 10 get 1 free. :)
We are 21 days away from our FET. I'm super-excited and scared to death. I had my baseline u/s last week, and everything was great. My estrogen level was nice and low, which is good. Now I'm hopped up on estrace and feeling tired as can be. I always forget just how tired (and bloated) it makes me feel. Good times!
Last week one of my friends sent me a good luck package for my test that had all kinds of fall things in it. I have to admit, I was feeling down and wasn't even sure I was going to pull out all of my fall decorations. But, I did, and I'm really glad I did. I now have all of my fall and Halloween decorations up, and the house feels so cozy. It's bittersweet though. I remember this time last year and how I was hoping we would have a peanut of our own to dress up for Halloween this year. Maybe next year!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Wishing the days away
Today's a sad day. Well, the past few days really. I've come to accept the infertility comes with a lot of those days. Lately I can't stop thinking about my miscarriage. I think of that little heartbeat, and I think of how far along I should be...and I get so sad. I wonder if we'll ever know that joy or that excitement again. I think it's all been rekindled since everyone I know is pregnant...everyone but me, that is.
On Friday, one of my coworkers said to me that she was talking to another coworker and they have a feeling that someone is pregnant. Well, you can imagine where that went. They think it's me. I politely said, "Nope, not me." Then I wanted to puke. And scream. And cry. Funny thing is, I don't think she believed me.
I've been looking forward to tomorrow, though, since we have our CCRM consult. I'm a little nervous about the whole phone consult concept, but I'm sure it's a regular occurrence for them. I also officially stopped my BC pills over the weekend, and I have my baseline u/s this Friday. But, really, I have to get through one of the biggest tests of my career one week from today before I can fully turn my focus back to infertility. So many countdowns going on in my mind- it's hard to focus on any one thing. I'm just glad I'm finally getting closer to each one of them.
On Friday, one of my coworkers said to me that she was talking to another coworker and they have a feeling that someone is pregnant. Well, you can imagine where that went. They think it's me. I politely said, "Nope, not me." Then I wanted to puke. And scream. And cry. Funny thing is, I don't think she believed me.
I've been looking forward to tomorrow, though, since we have our CCRM consult. I'm a little nervous about the whole phone consult concept, but I'm sure it's a regular occurrence for them. I also officially stopped my BC pills over the weekend, and I have my baseline u/s this Friday. But, really, I have to get through one of the biggest tests of my career one week from today before I can fully turn my focus back to infertility. So many countdowns going on in my mind- it's hard to focus on any one thing. I'm just glad I'm finally getting closer to each one of them.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Why would anyone say that?
I don't rant too often, but here goes...
A lady at work introduced herself to me several weeks ago (we've both been there a while, our paths just never crossed much before). At that time, she decided to play 50 questions with me (I didn't get a word in edgewise). "Are you from here? Are you married? How long?" And, of course, "do you have any kids? No? Is that by choice?" (heart sink)
Me: "Yeah, we just wanted to wait a little while."
Then she proceeds to tell me that she is single (always has been) but that she adopted her son from another country when he was an infant. I quickly got back to my business. Well, today, we see each other again and she says, "I forget, are you married?" Yep. "Have any kids?" Nope, just a dog. "No kids by choice?" To which I replied, "Um, yeah, it's by choice" and turned away.
Seriously? First of all, we had already been through this. Second of all...none of your %^&* business! Why is it that some people just don't have social boundaries? It is so heartwrenching to have to answer that question once let alone over and over- to the same person. There were a lot of things running through my mind that I wanted to say, but they would not have been appropriate. I've been really upset about it because I am realizing more and more that it's the elephant in the room once people realize we've been married for 7 years and have no children.
We recently went to a wedding of one of my high school friends. This was shortly after my m/c. All of my friends that were there have 1+ children a piece, and none of them know of our infertility issues. Interestingly, one of my friends cornered my husband and asks if we're still trying to have kids. My husband thought it was odd but thought that maybe she at least knew we were trying. Well she proceeds to go on about how hard that must be and how "that stings." Yeah, I'm sure she knows since she got married and had a child less than a year later. And, she always said she didn't want kids. It just burns me up inside thinking about the conversation and how she was just probing for information. I'm glad he didn't tell me till we got back to the hotel because I might have lost it.
Ok, it's off my chest. Time to move on. I've got a lot to look forward to in the next few weeks and an FET in 35 days!
A lady at work introduced herself to me several weeks ago (we've both been there a while, our paths just never crossed much before). At that time, she decided to play 50 questions with me (I didn't get a word in edgewise). "Are you from here? Are you married? How long?" And, of course, "do you have any kids? No? Is that by choice?" (heart sink)
Me: "Yeah, we just wanted to wait a little while."
Then she proceeds to tell me that she is single (always has been) but that she adopted her son from another country when he was an infant. I quickly got back to my business. Well, today, we see each other again and she says, "I forget, are you married?" Yep. "Have any kids?" Nope, just a dog. "No kids by choice?" To which I replied, "Um, yeah, it's by choice" and turned away.
Seriously? First of all, we had already been through this. Second of all...none of your %^&* business! Why is it that some people just don't have social boundaries? It is so heartwrenching to have to answer that question once let alone over and over- to the same person. There were a lot of things running through my mind that I wanted to say, but they would not have been appropriate. I've been really upset about it because I am realizing more and more that it's the elephant in the room once people realize we've been married for 7 years and have no children.
We recently went to a wedding of one of my high school friends. This was shortly after my m/c. All of my friends that were there have 1+ children a piece, and none of them know of our infertility issues. Interestingly, one of my friends cornered my husband and asks if we're still trying to have kids. My husband thought it was odd but thought that maybe she at least knew we were trying. Well she proceeds to go on about how hard that must be and how "that stings." Yeah, I'm sure she knows since she got married and had a child less than a year later. And, she always said she didn't want kids. It just burns me up inside thinking about the conversation and how she was just probing for information. I'm glad he didn't tell me till we got back to the hotel because I might have lost it.
Ok, it's off my chest. Time to move on. I've got a lot to look forward to in the next few weeks and an FET in 35 days!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
36 days...
...the number of days until our next FET. And only 6 days until our phone consult with CCRM. I'm actually pretty excited about both of those things. Unfortunately, I spent my mid-afternoon running around like a crazy lady. Somehow the copy service that our doctor's office/hospital uses, was late on getting the records out. They just arrived in the mail today, so I needed to get them faxed to CCRM right away. As luck would have it, they double sided all of the sheets, but the sheets needed to be one-sided to fax. Sigh. But the fun doesn't stop there. My place of work isn't the best place to fax the records from since I have a very nosy administrative assistant. So, I had to scan the records into the computer so I could send them to my husband. He's faxing them since he can do it a little more discreetly from his office. And, in case anyone out there is wondering, if you want to fax something at Office Depot/Max, etc...it's about $2-3 for the first page, and $1 PER page thereafter. As any IVF veteran can quickly tally in her head, that's going to be well over $50 to FAX something. I mean, you could overnight something cheaper!! We didn't go that route!
Anyway, I've officially toned down my post-failed IVF wine-drinking since DH has to cut out all alcohol 3 months before an IVF cycle. It takes about 3 months to turn over your sperm, and we're planning ahead in case our FET fails. We're so optimistic!! Maybe we're just realistic? But, that's the reason we're doing the CCRM consult so early. This way we have everything ready to roll if we need to do a fresh cycle after the holidays. So, I have instead taken to baking Halloween cookies. Not quite the same buzz, but they are delish!
Anyway, I've officially toned down my post-failed IVF wine-drinking since DH has to cut out all alcohol 3 months before an IVF cycle. It takes about 3 months to turn over your sperm, and we're planning ahead in case our FET fails. We're so optimistic!! Maybe we're just realistic? But, that's the reason we're doing the CCRM consult so early. This way we have everything ready to roll if we need to do a fresh cycle after the holidays. So, I have instead taken to baking Halloween cookies. Not quite the same buzz, but they are delish!
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