Today's a sad day. Well, the past few days really. I've come to accept the infertility comes with a lot of those days. Lately I can't stop thinking about my miscarriage. I think of that little heartbeat, and I think of how far along I should be...and I get so sad. I wonder if we'll ever know that joy or that excitement again. I think it's all been rekindled since everyone I know is pregnant...everyone but me, that is.
On Friday, one of my coworkers said to me that she was talking to another coworker and they have a feeling that someone is pregnant. Well, you can imagine where that went. They think it's me. I politely said, "Nope, not me." Then I wanted to puke. And scream. And cry. Funny thing is, I don't think she believed me.
I've been looking forward to tomorrow, though, since we have our CCRM consult. I'm a little nervous about the whole phone consult concept, but I'm sure it's a regular occurrence for them. I also officially stopped my BC pills over the weekend, and I have my baseline u/s this Friday. But, really, I have to get through one of the biggest tests of my career one week from today before I can fully turn my focus back to infertility. So many countdowns going on in my mind- it's hard to focus on any one thing. I'm just glad I'm finally getting closer to each one of them.
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